Suppose you wanted to improve your social relationships on the community level. (I think of this as “my ability to take refuge in the sangha”.) What questions might you answer now, and then again in one year, to track your progress?
Here’s what’s come to mind for me so far. I’m probably missing a lot and would really like your help mapping things out. I think it’s a part of the territory I can only just barely perceive at my current level of development.
If something tragic happened to you, such as a car crash that partially paralyzed you or the death of a loved one, how many people can you name whom you’d find it easy and natural to ask for help with figuring out your life afterward?
For how many people is it the case that if they were hospitalized for at least a week you would visit them in the hospital?
Over the past month, how lonely have you felt?
In the past two weeks, how often have you collaborated with someone outside of work?
To what degree do you feel like your friends have your back?
Describe the roll of community in your life.
How do you feel as you try to describe the roll of community in your life?
When’s the last time you got angry with someone and confronted them one on one as a result?
When’s the last time you apologized to someone?
How strong is your sense that you’re building something of personal value with the people around you?
When’s the last time you spent more than ten minutes on something that felt motivated by gratitude?
When a big change happens in your life, such as loosing your job or having a baby, how motivated do you feel to share the experience with others?
When you feel motivated to share an experience with others, how satisfied do you tend to be with your attempts to do that?
Do you know the love languages of your five closest friends? To what extent does that influence how you behave toward them?
Does it seem to you that your friends know your love language?
To what extent do you “know how to have friends”?
Describe your relationship with your boss.
Describe your relationships with your co-workers.
When you think about being part of a church, how much longing do you feel?
When you notice that you feel lonely or isolated, how do you tend to respond?
How satisfied do you tend to be with your response to feelings of loneliness or isolation?
Imagine that you suddenly had to move to another city where nobody knew you and there were no rationalists or EAs. How surprised would you be to hear that within two years, you’d feel well supported by a warm and friendly network of local social connections?
Excluding people who live in your house, how many faces can you picture of the people who live on your street? How many of them could you greet by name? How many of them have you spoken to in the past month? How many of them have you helped with something? How many of them have helped you with something?
When you think about your participation in your community, what do you feel dissatisfaction or longing about?
If you suddenly moved to another city, how big is the hole you would leave in your community? What would be its shape? In what ways and to what extent have the people around you come to depend on you?
How much stronger are you with your community than without it? In what ways, specifically, have you allowed it to support you over the past year, and how much benefit did you gain from that?
I find this list really helpful. In general, I’ve found this framework of breaking down fuzzy questions about social skills like this pretty helpful for seeing progress.
Suppose you wanted to improve your social relationships on the community level. (I think of this as “my ability to take refuge in the sangha”.) What questions might you answer now, and then again in one year, to track your progress?
Here’s what’s come to mind for me so far. I’m probably missing a lot and would really like your help mapping things out. I think it’s a part of the territory I can only just barely perceive at my current level of development.
If something tragic happened to you, such as a car crash that partially paralyzed you or the death of a loved one, how many people can you name whom you’d find it easy and natural to ask for help with figuring out your life afterward?
For how many people is it the case that if they were hospitalized for at least a week you would visit them in the hospital?
Over the past month, how lonely have you felt?
In the past two weeks, how often have you collaborated with someone outside of work?
To what degree do you feel like your friends have your back?
Describe the roll of community in your life.
How do you feel as you try to describe the roll of community in your life?
When’s the last time you got angry with someone and confronted them one on one as a result?
When’s the last time you apologized to someone?
How strong is your sense that you’re building something of personal value with the people around you?
When’s the last time you spent more than ten minutes on something that felt motivated by gratitude?
When a big change happens in your life, such as loosing your job or having a baby, how motivated do you feel to share the experience with others?
When you feel motivated to share an experience with others, how satisfied do you tend to be with your attempts to do that?
Do you know the love languages of your five closest friends? To what extent does that influence how you behave toward them?
Does it seem to you that your friends know your love language?
To what extent do you “know how to have friends”?
Describe your relationship with your boss.
Describe your relationships with your co-workers.
When you think about being part of a church, how much longing do you feel?
When you notice that you feel lonely or isolated, how do you tend to respond?
How satisfied do you tend to be with your response to feelings of loneliness or isolation?
Imagine that you suddenly had to move to another city where nobody knew you and there were no rationalists or EAs. How surprised would you be to hear that within two years, you’d feel well supported by a warm and friendly network of local social connections?
Excluding people who live in your house, how many faces can you picture of the people who live on your street? How many of them could you greet by name? How many of them have you spoken to in the past month? How many of them have you helped with something? How many of them have helped you with something?
When you think about your participation in your community, what do you feel dissatisfaction or longing about?
If you suddenly moved to another city, how big is the hole you would leave in your community? What would be its shape? In what ways and to what extent have the people around you come to depend on you?
How much stronger are you with your community than without it? In what ways, specifically, have you allowed it to support you over the past year, and how much benefit did you gain from that?
I find this list really helpful. In general, I’ve found this framework of breaking down fuzzy questions about social skills like this pretty helpful for seeing progress.
Thanks for making it!
Some of these reminded me of when Weft asked a few slightly related qustions previously.