“But people are sometimes authoritarian and cruel! Just for fun! And the only people who you can be consistently cruel to without them slugging you, shunning you, suing you, or calling the police on you are your children. This is a reason for more than the usual amount of skepticism of arguments that say that strict parenting is necessary.”
That’s a very good point. But there may be a parallel counterpoint: “Sometimes parents are indulgent and too lazy or exhausted or undisciplined to enforce an appropriate degree of discipline in their own children. And the one relationship in the world that is probably most often characterized by unquestioning, adoring love is that from parents to their children. This is a reason for more than the usual amount of skepticism of arguments that say that liberal parenting is necessary.” Nothing makes most (… or at least many?) parents happier than making their children happy — so shouldn’t we expect a bias toward indulgence too?
Perhaps it would be better to weight our arguments about appropriate parenting styles based on the personalities of particular parents.
the one relationship in the world that is probably most often characterized by unquestioning, adoring love is that from parents to their children.
This is a good point. One problem with legal oppression of young people is that the age of majority varies from 16-21, but most people stop adoring their parents (and, technically, stop being children) in adolescence, age 11-13.
A good point, and in fact some modern societies do place the effective age of majority (if not the legal one) that low. I have a friend from Thailand who told me about his frustration with living in the US when he immigrated here at 16 to live with his aunt. Back home, he had moved out of his parent’s home at 12 to attend a secondary school in Bangkok and was living on his own as much as any American college student does: still financially and socially tied fairly closely to his parents, but effectively independent. He had his own apartment, bought his own food and cooked his own meals, took care of his own transportation, bought his own clothes, etc.. When he came to the US he felt like he was a prisoner because he went from being an adult to a child in the matter of a single flight.
I guess people who can’t control their kids might make a virtue of necessity and say that they did it on purpose b/c it’s good for the kid. Nice twist. But the amount of harm that comes from this strikes me as way smaller than what comes from “it’s for their own good.”
Abusing context slightly, I will quote The Souce:
Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting
Homer: But I’m using my whole ass.
I was going to make exactly that point. There are biases in both directions; the author’s argument should be that the bias toward harshness dominates.
Also, it’s likely that much seemingly frivolous cruelty actually increases the status of its perpetrator. I don’t think there’s much gain when the victim is so far from you in status as your child, but it’s quite believable to me that at least a few million adults are broken enough that it’s a possibility.
That’s a very good point. But there may be a parallel counterpoint: “Sometimes parents are indulgent and too lazy or exhausted or undisciplined to enforce an appropriate degree of discipline in their own children. And the one relationship in the world that is probably most often characterized by unquestioning, adoring love is that from parents to their children. This is a reason for more than the usual amount of skepticism of arguments that say that liberal parenting is necessary.” Nothing makes most (… or at least many?) parents happier than making their children happy — so shouldn’t we expect a bias toward indulgence too?
Perhaps it would be better to weight our arguments about appropriate parenting styles based on the personalities of particular parents.
This is a good point. One problem with legal oppression of young people is that the age of majority varies from 16-21, but most people stop adoring their parents (and, technically, stop being children) in adolescence, age 11-13.
A good point, and in fact some modern societies do place the effective age of majority (if not the legal one) that low. I have a friend from Thailand who told me about his frustration with living in the US when he immigrated here at 16 to live with his aunt. Back home, he had moved out of his parent’s home at 12 to attend a secondary school in Bangkok and was living on his own as much as any American college student does: still financially and socially tied fairly closely to his parents, but effectively independent. He had his own apartment, bought his own food and cooked his own meals, took care of his own transportation, bought his own clothes, etc.. When he came to the US he felt like he was a prisoner because he went from being an adult to a child in the matter of a single flight.
I guess people who can’t control their kids might make a virtue of necessity and say that they did it on purpose b/c it’s good for the kid. Nice twist. But the amount of harm that comes from this strikes me as way smaller than what comes from “it’s for their own good.”
Abusing context slightly, I will quote The Souce:
Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting Homer: But I’m using my whole ass.
To enhance the reading experience quote slabs of text by placing a ‘>’ at the start of the line.
Done, thanks. (That was my first ever comment here)
Welcome, Breakfast.
Well, thank you again!
I was going to make exactly that point. There are biases in both directions; the author’s argument should be that the bias toward harshness dominates.
Also, it’s likely that much seemingly frivolous cruelty actually increases the status of its perpetrator. I don’t think there’s much gain when the victim is so far from you in status as your child, but it’s quite believable to me that at least a few million adults are broken enough that it’s a possibility.