The same looping thoughts and habits have kept me down for a year, put me in this current rock-bottom, and is the fire that will burn this house down. I guess it’s the question of what I should do with my life. It’s an indecision, a paralysis by optionality. It’s an outsized need for self-importance. An entitlement to rewards that take years of effort to earn. It’s wishful thinking that stretches expectations to the absurd.
Whenever I browse the internet and come across someone doing something interesting (writing, jobs, art, science), my mind immediately needs that to be my new identity. Where I make a career out of that very thing. Where I am exceptional at that very thing. Where I am BEST IN THE WORLD at that very thing. I’ve gone from Andy Warhol to Elon in 1 year.
And I want too many things. And I get disappointed so easily. And I quit anything once it gets difficult. Because why not, there’s a shiner object over there.
It’s a constant, “Maybe I should do this”, “But I HATE the idea of this aspect of it”, “What about this over here then”, “But I HATE that too”. And the cycle loops on.
It would probably help to stop looking at the outside world, so that you are no longer reminded of yet another thing you could do.
I hate the fact that a web browser is simultaneously a tool to access the important information and the distractions. It’s like soaking all your vegetables in alcohol, and trying to get lots of vitamins without getting drunk. And the vegetables soaked in alcohol are the only thing they sell in the shop.
The Fire that will Burn this House Down
The same looping thoughts and habits have kept me down for a year, put me in this current rock-bottom, and is the fire that will burn this house down. I guess it’s the question of what I should do with my life. It’s an indecision, a paralysis by optionality. It’s an outsized need for self-importance. An entitlement to rewards that take years of effort to earn. It’s wishful thinking that stretches expectations to the absurd.
Whenever I browse the internet and come across someone doing something interesting (writing, jobs, art, science), my mind immediately needs that to be my new identity. Where I make a career out of that very thing. Where I am exceptional at that very thing. Where I am BEST IN THE WORLD at that very thing. I’ve gone from Andy Warhol to Elon in 1 year.
And I want too many things. And I get disappointed so easily. And I quit anything once it gets difficult. Because why not, there’s a shiner object over there.
It’s a constant, “Maybe I should do this”, “But I HATE the idea of this aspect of it”, “What about this over here then”, “But I HATE that too”. And the cycle loops on.
This is going to kill me.
It would probably help to stop looking at the outside world, so that you are no longer reminded of yet another thing you could do.
I hate the fact that a web browser is simultaneously a tool to access the important information and the distractions. It’s like soaking all your vegetables in alcohol, and trying to get lots of vitamins without getting drunk. And the vegetables soaked in alcohol are the only thing they sell in the shop.