If you know that the other person believes that the information isn’t private, then you know that they aren’t knowingly doing something which they believe is prying. So they don’t have mens rea for being an asshole by their own standards. (Yes, I believe that sometimes people are assholes by their own standards, and these are exactly the sort of people who don’t deserve the truth about my private matters.)
If they don’t know my feelings about privacy, then they are not knowingly intruding. But if they do know my views on the privacy of that information, they are knowingly asking for information that I consider private. That could be...disrespectful. If my feelings about privacy on that matter are strong, and they ask anyway, then they may have mens rea for being an asshole by my standards. Perhaps they believe that my standards are wrong and that I should not judge them as an asshole for violating them.
If I thought there was legitimate disagreement about whether the information should be considered private, then I wouldn’t view the other person as defecting on me, and I wouldn’t feel motivated to lie to them to punish their defection. If I still felt motivated to lie, it would be for purely self-defensive reasons (for instance, I might lie to conceal health issues which don’t effect anyone else).
As examples, I think there are many questions between relationship partners, where the ethics of privacy vs. transparency are up for debate, e.g. “how many partners have you had in the past?”, “do you still have feelings for your ex?”, “have you had any same-sex partners?”
On the other hand, if I thought their view of privacy was ridiculous, and they can’t defend their view against mine, then I would be pretty annoyed if they still pressured me for information anyway. That sounds like a breakdown of cooperative communication, or the beginning of a fight. Lying might be an acceptable way to get out of this situation.
Surely there is some point where communication becomes sufficiently adversarial that you are no longer obligated to tell the truth? Especially if both people can tell there is a conflict, so they know to discount the other’s truthfulness?
For example, if your nosy aunt says “I feel that your current dating situation shouldn’t be private,” you say “I think it should be private,” and she continues to ask about your dating situation, then I think you are justified in lying. Your aunt is knowingly pushing for information that you want to keep hidden. She has no defensible argument that her view of privacy should trump yours.
Since you have stated that you think your dating situation should be private, your aunt shouldn’t even expect to get the truth out of you here, so if you lie, there is less danger of her being deceived. People are known to lie about matters that they consider private, and your aunt should take this into account if she chooses to needle you.
When I’m discussing lying to a prying person, I’m mostly imagining conversations that are non-cooperative or hostile, or which involve protecting secrets which mostly effect oneself. I am imagining nosy relatives, slanderous reporters, totalitarian judges, or ignorant coworkers who ask you why you are taking pills. Remember, my ethics generally prefers evading or refusing prying questions. If evasion doesn’t work, that suggests an uncooperative discussion or cornering has occurred.
Good questions.
If you know that the other person believes that the information isn’t private, then you know that they aren’t knowingly doing something which they believe is prying. So they don’t have mens rea for being an asshole by their own standards. (Yes, I believe that sometimes people are assholes by their own standards, and these are exactly the sort of people who don’t deserve the truth about my private matters.)
If they don’t know my feelings about privacy, then they are not knowingly intruding. But if they do know my views on the privacy of that information, they are knowingly asking for information that I consider private. That could be...disrespectful. If my feelings about privacy on that matter are strong, and they ask anyway, then they may have mens rea for being an asshole by my standards. Perhaps they believe that my standards are wrong and that I should not judge them as an asshole for violating them.
If I thought there was legitimate disagreement about whether the information should be considered private, then I wouldn’t view the other person as defecting on me, and I wouldn’t feel motivated to lie to them to punish their defection. If I still felt motivated to lie, it would be for purely self-defensive reasons (for instance, I might lie to conceal health issues which don’t effect anyone else).
As examples, I think there are many questions between relationship partners, where the ethics of privacy vs. transparency are up for debate, e.g. “how many partners have you had in the past?”, “do you still have feelings for your ex?”, “have you had any same-sex partners?”
On the other hand, if I thought their view of privacy was ridiculous, and they can’t defend their view against mine, then I would be pretty annoyed if they still pressured me for information anyway. That sounds like a breakdown of cooperative communication, or the beginning of a fight. Lying might be an acceptable way to get out of this situation.
Surely there is some point where communication becomes sufficiently adversarial that you are no longer obligated to tell the truth? Especially if both people can tell there is a conflict, so they know to discount the other’s truthfulness?
For example, if your nosy aunt says “I feel that your current dating situation shouldn’t be private,” you say “I think it should be private,” and she continues to ask about your dating situation, then I think you are justified in lying. Your aunt is knowingly pushing for information that you want to keep hidden. She has no defensible argument that her view of privacy should trump yours.
Since you have stated that you think your dating situation should be private, your aunt shouldn’t even expect to get the truth out of you here, so if you lie, there is less danger of her being deceived. People are known to lie about matters that they consider private, and your aunt should take this into account if she chooses to needle you.
When I’m discussing lying to a prying person, I’m mostly imagining conversations that are non-cooperative or hostile, or which involve protecting secrets which mostly effect oneself. I am imagining nosy relatives, slanderous reporters, totalitarian judges, or ignorant coworkers who ask you why you are taking pills. Remember, my ethics generally prefers evading or refusing prying questions. If evasion doesn’t work, that suggests an uncooperative discussion or cornering has occurred.