I guess I was curious if you (1) had generalized knowledge about this skill… like in what sorts of situations will this work in and what situations will this fail in? Are excuses needed? If so when? Are tone, attitude and delivery important? Is there backlash from refusing? Most people seem to think this is a good way to get fired, if this is wrong why do they think this? etc.
Also (2) do you have a particularly insightful or entertaining anecdotes of you using this skill? What is biggest request you’ve refused? Are there refusals you regret making? etc.
Don’t sound argumentative or defensive. Sound calm but confident. Be ready to give reasons: “I’m trying to get the foobar module working. This module is a critical part of our next release. Meetings are not.”
Know before you start how far you’re willing to follow the chain. What if they report you to the manager, and he tells you you have to attend meetings or be fired? Probably the best response is to reply calmly, “I think we should be spending more time getting the next release ready and less time in meetings, but if the company’s priority is otherwise, so be it.”—then you concede without losing face, and knowing you made every reasonable attempt (and maybe it’s time to quietly start looking for a job someplace less bureaucratic) It probably won’t come to that, but you will do better if you’re prepared in case it does come to that.
Being perceived as getting above your station was more dangerous in the ancestral environment than it is today, so most people are more afraid of doing it than is optimal today. The other mistake is to do it in a surly or rebellious fashion. Do it when it’s important enough, do it in a calm and confident fashion, and do it from a position where you’re already prepared to follow the chain.
I suspect that clay’s suggestion does require a shadow of an excuse. “No, I can’t” is probably worlds better than “Nope.” Recall that illusions of excuses (“I need to”) were shown to help cutting in line at the xerox.
Along these lines?
“Jack, there’s a team meeting at noon today and you need to be there.” “Nope”
I guess I was curious if you (1) had generalized knowledge about this skill… like in what sorts of situations will this work in and what situations will this fail in? Are excuses needed? If so when? Are tone, attitude and delivery important? Is there backlash from refusing? Most people seem to think this is a good way to get fired, if this is wrong why do they think this? etc.
Also (2) do you have a particularly insightful or entertaining anecdotes of you using this skill? What is biggest request you’ve refused? Are there refusals you regret making? etc.
Don’t sound argumentative or defensive. Sound calm but confident. Be ready to give reasons: “I’m trying to get the foobar module working. This module is a critical part of our next release. Meetings are not.”
Know before you start how far you’re willing to follow the chain. What if they report you to the manager, and he tells you you have to attend meetings or be fired? Probably the best response is to reply calmly, “I think we should be spending more time getting the next release ready and less time in meetings, but if the company’s priority is otherwise, so be it.”—then you concede without losing face, and knowing you made every reasonable attempt (and maybe it’s time to quietly start looking for a job someplace less bureaucratic) It probably won’t come to that, but you will do better if you’re prepared in case it does come to that.
Being perceived as getting above your station was more dangerous in the ancestral environment than it is today, so most people are more afraid of doing it than is optimal today. The other mistake is to do it in a surly or rebellious fashion. Do it when it’s important enough, do it in a calm and confident fashion, and do it from a position where you’re already prepared to follow the chain.
I suspect that clay’s suggestion does require a shadow of an excuse. “No, I can’t” is probably worlds better than “Nope.” Recall that illusions of excuses (“I need to”) were shown to help cutting in line at the xerox.