I am not quite sure about the writing/examples in computational kindness and responsibility offloading, but I think I feel the general idea.
For computational kindness, I think it is just really the difference in how people prefer to communicate, or making plans it seems, with the example on trip planning. I, for example, personally prefer being offered with their true thoughts—if they are okay with just really anything, or not. Anything is fine as long as that is what they really think or prefer (side talk: I generally think communicating real preferences will be the most efficient). I do not mind planning the trip myself in ways that I wanted. There is not really a right or wrong style. If the host person offered “anything is okay”, but the receiver do not like planning, they could also simply say “Any recommendations? I like xxx or xxx generally.” Communication goes both ways. The reason I think we should not say one way is better than another is, if the friend really wants to plan themselves, and then the host person planned a bunch, the receiver may also feel bad to reject the planned activities. Maybe what you really want to see, is that the host person cares enough to put some efforts into planning (just guessing)? And seems the relationship in this example between these two people are relatively close or require showing some efforts?
For responsibility offloading, I think some of these examples are not quite similar or parallel situations, but I generally get the proposal: “do not push other people in a pushy manner and should offer the clear option to say no” as opposed to a fake ask. In my opinion a fake ask is not true kindness—it is fake, so it is not really in any way kind. But at the same time, I’ve trained myself into taking the question literally—okay, if you asked, then it means you expect my answer to go both ways, then I will say no if I am thinking no. In the case the question is genuine—great! in the case it is not, too bad, the smoker should’ve be consistent with their words.
Most of these seems to be communication style differences, that just require another communication to sort out if the two parties need to communicate frequently.
I am not quite sure about the writing/examples in computational kindness and responsibility offloading, but I think I feel the general idea.
For computational kindness, I think it is just really the difference in how people prefer to communicate, or making plans it seems, with the example on trip planning. I, for example, personally prefer being offered with their true thoughts—if they are okay with just really anything, or not. Anything is fine as long as that is what they really think or prefer (side talk: I generally think communicating real preferences will be the most efficient). I do not mind planning the trip myself in ways that I wanted. There is not really a right or wrong style. If the host person offered “anything is okay”, but the receiver do not like planning, they could also simply say “Any recommendations? I like xxx or xxx generally.” Communication goes both ways. The reason I think we should not say one way is better than another is, if the friend really wants to plan themselves, and then the host person planned a bunch, the receiver may also feel bad to reject the planned activities. Maybe what you really want to see, is that the host person cares enough to put some efforts into planning (just guessing)? And seems the relationship in this example between these two people are relatively close or require showing some efforts?
For responsibility offloading, I think some of these examples are not quite similar or parallel situations, but I generally get the proposal: “do not push other people in a pushy manner and should offer the clear option to say no” as opposed to a fake ask. In my opinion a fake ask is not true kindness—it is fake, so it is not really in any way kind. But at the same time, I’ve trained myself into taking the question literally—okay, if you asked, then it means you expect my answer to go both ways, then I will say no if I am thinking no. In the case the question is genuine—great! in the case it is not, too bad, the smoker should’ve be consistent with their words.
Most of these seems to be communication style differences, that just require another communication to sort out if the two parties need to communicate frequently.