My preferred model of the good emotional life is to entertain whatever thoughts come, realizing that thoughts can by themselves never be evil or immoral.
That saying contains a long chain of unsupported inferences. Each transition can happen, but each step can easily not happen. The referenced post has to do with habits of discipline, and that’s quite different from the kinds of thoughts I have in mind.
Suppose I’m really mad at my mother and I find myself wishing that she were dead. I can berate myself for having such a terrible thought. But instead I might recognize that such thoughts are natural. If I find myself enjoying the thought and going back to it again and again, I don’t think that’s going to lead me to happiness—though it might well not lead me one iota closer to harming my mother. But just noting that I wished my mother was dead is not something I feel guilty about or vow to never think again. I’d instead focus on why I’m angry at my mother, remember all her good qualities, and think about the situation from her point of view.
When I’m done thinking about it, I might decide to talk with my mother about what she did if I think that might improve the situation, or I might decide to say nothing. When I look back on the incident, it is on the basis of what I actually did that I will judge my morality, not the thoughts I went through to get there.
This is just one example, but hopefully it conveys some sense that we are in a different realm.
In the sexual realm, suppose there’s some celebrity that an ordinary guy finds hot. He freely fantasizes about having sex with her because it’s fun. Is he in danger of getting so obsessed that he starts stalking her and attacks her? No. It might happen and it will make the news, but from personal experience we know he’s a rare and disturbed exception. If a pedophile does it, you might conclude that many or most pedophiles are in danger of doing that because you don’t know all the celibate pedophiles who don’t.
This is really really bad advise.
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
That saying contains a long chain of unsupported inferences. Each transition can happen, but each step can easily not happen. The referenced post has to do with habits of discipline, and that’s quite different from the kinds of thoughts I have in mind.
Suppose I’m really mad at my mother and I find myself wishing that she were dead. I can berate myself for having such a terrible thought. But instead I might recognize that such thoughts are natural. If I find myself enjoying the thought and going back to it again and again, I don’t think that’s going to lead me to happiness—though it might well not lead me one iota closer to harming my mother. But just noting that I wished my mother was dead is not something I feel guilty about or vow to never think again. I’d instead focus on why I’m angry at my mother, remember all her good qualities, and think about the situation from her point of view.
When I’m done thinking about it, I might decide to talk with my mother about what she did if I think that might improve the situation, or I might decide to say nothing. When I look back on the incident, it is on the basis of what I actually did that I will judge my morality, not the thoughts I went through to get there.
This is just one example, but hopefully it conveys some sense that we are in a different realm.
In the sexual realm, suppose there’s some celebrity that an ordinary guy finds hot. He freely fantasizes about having sex with her because it’s fun. Is he in danger of getting so obsessed that he starts stalking her and attacks her? No. It might happen and it will make the news, but from personal experience we know he’s a rare and disturbed exception. If a pedophile does it, you might conclude that many or most pedophiles are in danger of doing that because you don’t know all the celibate pedophiles who don’t.