I have been recently questioning how worthwhile it is to be perceived as smart. Since I have always wanted to be intelligent, having people affirm my intelligence has always made me feel validated, much more so than receiving other forms of compliments. Either in response to that form of approval or else in anticipation of receiving it, I have gone out of my way to present myself primarily as an intelligent person and to consider any other perceptions others may have of me as secondary to that one.
As I’ve begun to question whether this is a good image to promote, one of the things I’ve begun to think is that I was mistaken to seek to promote a single uniformed image of myself at all. Instead, I should try to tailor more to my specific context. When I’ve tried to think of how I should want to project myself in general, the best idea I have been able to come up with is that I would want people to find me interesting. But when I think about what would be a beneficial way to be perceived in various contexts, I quickly realized that there are context-specific labels that direct me towards how I should want other people to view me at various times. In the office, I should seek to be viewed as being “professional.” When I’m looking for dates, I want people to think I’m “sexy.” When I comment on LW, I should probably seek to be perceived as “rational.” This all feels very obvious in retrospect, but while I was still focused on trying to appear “smart,” I was unable to even ask the right questions that would help me present myself to the world in a more desirable way.
Complicating this decision is the realization that I have to transition away from feeling successful about my self image to feeling far less successful. A few months ago, I felt good about myself when my boss identified my intelligence as the greatest asset I brought to the company and also identified increasing my professionalism as the area where I needed to grow the most. Today, if I were to truly internalize the change that I have been making cognitively, I think I should regard the phrase “highly professional nitwit” as slightly more flattering than “unprofessional genius,” in which case I need to change my view of the feedback I received. At the time, I felt like those two comments summed to feedback that was mostly positive. Emotionally, I still feel that way. But since this discussion was in a business context, and since what we were talking about had far less to do with what is actually true than it did with what my boss perceived to be true, I think I should view the feedback I received as indicating that I should make substantial adjustments to my behavior. E.g. I need to adjust my email response policy away from asking myself “Do I have anything worth saying to add to this conversations?” and more towards “Given that I don’t have anything noteworthy to add to this conversation, is it more professional to acknowledge receipt of this particular email or to simply move on?” (I need to make dozens of small changes similar to that one, wherever I notice that some particular aspect of my behavior is based on my desire to appear intelligent.) Again, this feels very obvious now that I’ve begun to think about things in these terms, but I previously failed to even ask the necessary questions.
I have been recently questioning how worthwhile it is to be perceived as smart. Since I have always wanted to be intelligent, having people affirm my intelligence has always made me feel validated, much more so than receiving other forms of compliments. Either in response to that form of approval or else in anticipation of receiving it, I have gone out of my way to present myself primarily as an intelligent person and to consider any other perceptions others may have of me as secondary to that one.
As I’ve begun to question whether this is a good image to promote, one of the things I’ve begun to think is that I was mistaken to seek to promote a single uniformed image of myself at all. Instead, I should try to tailor more to my specific context. When I’ve tried to think of how I should want to project myself in general, the best idea I have been able to come up with is that I would want people to find me interesting. But when I think about what would be a beneficial way to be perceived in various contexts, I quickly realized that there are context-specific labels that direct me towards how I should want other people to view me at various times. In the office, I should seek to be viewed as being “professional.” When I’m looking for dates, I want people to think I’m “sexy.” When I comment on LW, I should probably seek to be perceived as “rational.” This all feels very obvious in retrospect, but while I was still focused on trying to appear “smart,” I was unable to even ask the right questions that would help me present myself to the world in a more desirable way.
Complicating this decision is the realization that I have to transition away from feeling successful about my self image to feeling far less successful. A few months ago, I felt good about myself when my boss identified my intelligence as the greatest asset I brought to the company and also identified increasing my professionalism as the area where I needed to grow the most. Today, if I were to truly internalize the change that I have been making cognitively, I think I should regard the phrase “highly professional nitwit” as slightly more flattering than “unprofessional genius,” in which case I need to change my view of the feedback I received. At the time, I felt like those two comments summed to feedback that was mostly positive. Emotionally, I still feel that way. But since this discussion was in a business context, and since what we were talking about had far less to do with what is actually true than it did with what my boss perceived to be true, I think I should view the feedback I received as indicating that I should make substantial adjustments to my behavior. E.g. I need to adjust my email response policy away from asking myself “Do I have anything worth saying to add to this conversations?” and more towards “Given that I don’t have anything noteworthy to add to this conversation, is it more professional to acknowledge receipt of this particular email or to simply move on?” (I need to make dozens of small changes similar to that one, wherever I notice that some particular aspect of my behavior is based on my desire to appear intelligent.) Again, this feels very obvious now that I’ve begun to think about things in these terms, but I previously failed to even ask the necessary questions.