Agreement karma indicates agreement, separate from overall quality.
Object-level and meta-level norms on weirdness vary greatly. I believe it’s true for your friends that it doesn’t cost weirdness points to being them to your Zendo, and the same is true of many of my friends.
But, its not the case that it won’t cost weirdness points for everyone, even those who want to be invited. They’ll just think, “oh this a weird thing my friend does that I want to check out”.
But if many of those things build up they may want to avoid you, because they themselves feel weirded out, or because they’re worried that their friends will be weirded out.
Same for wearing a suit, or in my case, a sash. I’ve had many people who actually appreciate the sash, say it lends a sense of authority. Most won’t mention it, but still have a slight sense of “this is a bit strange and I should be wary.” One struggle with my ex was that she was sensitive to any hint of that wariness, whereas I am just ok with it and find it a great filter to bring the right people into close relationship.
It’s very easy to not pick up on that wariness as people are supposed to hide it. Especially because the people who end up getting close to you are ones who it actually doesn’t bother.
But you shouldn’t mistake that for a universal “just do whatever you want in a respectful and confident way and others won’t be bothered” rule. It’s just not how everyone works.
15 votes
Overall karma indicates overall quality.
4 votes
Agreement karma indicates agreement, separate from overall quality.
Object-level and meta-level norms on weirdness vary greatly. I believe it’s true for your friends that it doesn’t cost weirdness points to being them to your Zendo, and the same is true of many of my friends.
But, its not the case that it won’t cost weirdness points for everyone, even those who want to be invited. They’ll just think, “oh this a weird thing my friend does that I want to check out”.
But if many of those things build up they may want to avoid you, because they themselves feel weirded out, or because they’re worried that their friends will be weirded out.
Same for wearing a suit, or in my case, a sash. I’ve had many people who actually appreciate the sash, say it lends a sense of authority. Most won’t mention it, but still have a slight sense of “this is a bit strange and I should be wary.” One struggle with my ex was that she was sensitive to any hint of that wariness, whereas I am just ok with it and find it a great filter to bring the right people into close relationship.
It’s very easy to not pick up on that wariness as people are supposed to hide it. Especially because the people who end up getting close to you are ones who it actually doesn’t bother.
But you shouldn’t mistake that for a universal “just do whatever you want in a respectful and confident way and others won’t be bothered” rule. It’s just not how everyone works.
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