In fact, portraying a STRONGER identity often is met more easily results in better responses. The trick is that you can be strategic about it. By selecting between “personas” or “roles” you can select what kind of responses you want to get.
I find it helpful to think about the different situations I am in (work meetings, studying in cafes, meeting friends, etc.), and then think about “what is the most ideal response I could get”—and think about “what kind of person / action would provoke that kind of response?” Then, for the given situation make sure that everything is coherent—appearance, energy level, behaviors, speech cadence, etc.
Coherence is very powerful.
We already do this when we have a “work self” and a “home self”. But for most of our activities it is not pre-planned. We just want to be “ourselves”—i.e. not have to strategically prepare for each situation.
As for “social identity theory” and feeling attacked, I don’t think KYIS quite applies. When you are part of a tribe or subculture or whatever, there are several factors at play. (1) Defending the tribe may gain you status in the tribe. (2) Allowing attacks on fellow tribe-members to go unprovoked may put you personally at risk as well—thus the tribe makes it a value to protect fellow tribe-members.
KYIS may mean “don’t join any tribes”. Or more realistically—only feel kinship or trust toward those you personally know, not any abstract larger categories of people. Some would argue that this is how China used to work. However, as societies scale up in size, we typically do join social groups with abstract myths that bind people together, provide standards, and allow coordination among strangers.
Anyway, I guess it gets pretty complex as you unpack it. I suppose if you have skills that are in demand by many people, you do not need to be “married” to any one tribe, nation, or company. You can flit from one to the next if the current one falls. This may cause locals to mistrust you (e.g. the hatred for “globalists”) which lowers your status locally, but if your skills are valuable enough, you won’t mind too much.
So, the ultimate way to KYIS—be very valuable to many different groups of people. This may be from transferable skills, a great personality, or just a very strong and wide social network.
I find this very true.
In fact, portraying a STRONGER identity often is met more easily results in better responses. The trick is that you can be strategic about it. By selecting between “personas” or “roles” you can select what kind of responses you want to get.
I find it helpful to think about the different situations I am in (work meetings, studying in cafes, meeting friends, etc.), and then think about “what is the most ideal response I could get”—and think about “what kind of person / action would provoke that kind of response?” Then, for the given situation make sure that everything is coherent—appearance, energy level, behaviors, speech cadence, etc.
Coherence is very powerful.
We already do this when we have a “work self” and a “home self”. But for most of our activities it is not pre-planned. We just want to be “ourselves”—i.e. not have to strategically prepare for each situation.
As for “social identity theory” and feeling attacked, I don’t think KYIS quite applies. When you are part of a tribe or subculture or whatever, there are several factors at play. (1) Defending the tribe may gain you status in the tribe. (2) Allowing attacks on fellow tribe-members to go unprovoked may put you personally at risk as well—thus the tribe makes it a value to protect fellow tribe-members.
KYIS may mean “don’t join any tribes”. Or more realistically—only feel kinship or trust toward those you personally know, not any abstract larger categories of people. Some would argue that this is how China used to work. However, as societies scale up in size, we typically do join social groups with abstract myths that bind people together, provide standards, and allow coordination among strangers.
Anyway, I guess it gets pretty complex as you unpack it. I suppose if you have skills that are in demand by many people, you do not need to be “married” to any one tribe, nation, or company. You can flit from one to the next if the current one falls. This may cause locals to mistrust you (e.g. the hatred for “globalists”) which lowers your status locally, but if your skills are valuable enough, you won’t mind too much.
So, the ultimate way to KYIS—be very valuable to many different groups of people. This may be from transferable skills, a great personality, or just a very strong and wide social network.