I should point out that this was a self-diagnosis, not a professional one. On the other hand, to be considered borderline for the DSM IV-TR, you have to meet 5 out of 9 criteria. She met all of them. Now, I don’t know if I believe that she had a “malady” as you describe it. However, here is what I do believe.
I believe that there are a constellation of correlated, stable, and self-sustaining personality attributes reasonably referred to as BPD. I believe that they are multi-causal and cannot be reduced to a few simple things, like control issues. I believe that this constellation occurs regularly and consistently enough that information from once occurrence is going to be quite applicable to another occurrence. I think that those traits are extremely difficult to change, or at the very least make it very difficult/unlikely for the person to sustain the willingness to change that is necessary. I think your implication of highly specific partner preference gives the impression that I am wrong on this last point. It implies such behavior is whimsical and easy to change, if only the person were to wish it.
The story you describe seems fairly straight forward. It’s basically a cookie cutter example of of a BPD-codependent relationship that occurs with sickening frequency. It could plausibly be all in your imagination but in that case you clearly have enough knowledge about the subject to write a plausible fictional autobiographical account!
Yeah, but the criteria are super vague. I too meet all of them, and I’m not even surprised; that’s usual for most personality disorders. I think the diagnosis criteria are just trying to point in the vague direction of a cluster so that people with experience with it (psychiatrists or patients, for example) may recognize it.
Edit to add: I’m not criticizing self-diagnosis. I’m criticizing diagnosis on the basis of DSM criteria alone, as opposed to comparison with other people with the disorder.
Upvoted for making an extremely valid point. I begrudgingly have to admit the possibility that I personally engaged in gross acts of confirmation bias and that all the evidence I have to support my argument is invalid. I’m not quite sure where that leaves me.....
I think your implication of highly specific partner preference gives the impression that I am wrong on this last point. It implies such behavior is whimsical and easy to change, if only the person were to wish it.
I was in no way trying to minimize your post. Actually, my attempt was to suggest the opposite; it is absolutely difficult to change behavior. Habit tied with emotionality is fantastically sturdy and able to withstand all manner of influence.
My beleaguered point was that I find neurosis interpreted as life stories buttressed by habits and emotionally charged mind thoughts more helpful and actionable than clawing through my childhood or viewing it through a malady / psychoanalysis matrix.
I can then work on actions and behaviors, and changing how I choose to react to a stimulus. I don’t necessarily have to spend so much time trying to understand how I got there. IOW, I am attracted to any model that emphasizes choice and inner control. It emphasizes my freedom, the space between stimulus and response where my choice can exist. I am enervated by concentrating on that space and enlarging it.
It is one of the reasons cognitive behavioral psychology has had such a significant effect on the discipline.
Ah, so let me apologize. I think there was some confusion. Also you hit a bit of a landmine for me. There’s been one person I’ve met who was so invalidating regarding mental illness. Sarah’s sister actually. She basically told us that unless Sarah had something written from a doctor, she didn’t have bpd (“I think you have anger problems”). She also discredited my depression (“Look, I’ve gotten really sad before too”). So whenever it sounds like someone is suggesting mental illness isn’t real I get quite defensive.
Secondly, I agree that sitting on a couch and talking about how daddy never hugged you is useless. On the other hand, it’s important to at least acknowledge that our childhoods shape a lot of our personality and action-emotion dynamic. I thought you were doing the opposite, trying to suggest the only major influence was personal choice.
I think your implication of highly specific partner preference gives the impression that I am wrong on this last point. It implies such behavior is whimsical and easy to change, if only the person were to wish it.
You can quote someone by putting a ‘>’ at the start of the line. (LW uses markdown syntax for comments, not HTML; also, there is a little “help” link that expands a box with more details about the syntax at the bottom right of the comment box)
I should point out that this was a self-diagnosis, not a professional one. On the other hand, to be considered borderline for the DSM IV-TR, you have to meet 5 out of 9 criteria. She met all of them. Now, I don’t know if I believe that she had a “malady” as you describe it. However, here is what I do believe.
I believe that there are a constellation of correlated, stable, and self-sustaining personality attributes reasonably referred to as BPD. I believe that they are multi-causal and cannot be reduced to a few simple things, like control issues. I believe that this constellation occurs regularly and consistently enough that information from once occurrence is going to be quite applicable to another occurrence. I think that those traits are extremely difficult to change, or at the very least make it very difficult/unlikely for the person to sustain the willingness to change that is necessary. I think your implication of highly specific partner preference gives the impression that I am wrong on this last point. It implies such behavior is whimsical and easy to change, if only the person were to wish it.
The story you describe seems fairly straight forward. It’s basically a cookie cutter example of of a BPD-codependent relationship that occurs with sickening frequency. It could plausibly be all in your imagination but in that case you clearly have enough knowledge about the subject to write a plausible fictional autobiographical account!
Yeah, but the criteria are super vague. I too meet all of them, and I’m not even surprised; that’s usual for most personality disorders. I think the diagnosis criteria are just trying to point in the vague direction of a cluster so that people with experience with it (psychiatrists or patients, for example) may recognize it.
Edit to add: I’m not criticizing self-diagnosis. I’m criticizing diagnosis on the basis of DSM criteria alone, as opposed to comparison with other people with the disorder.
Upvoted for making an extremely valid point. I begrudgingly have to admit the possibility that I personally engaged in gross acts of confirmation bias and that all the evidence I have to support my argument is invalid. I’m not quite sure where that leaves me.....
.
I think your implication of highly specific partner preference gives the impression that I am wrong on this last point. It implies such behavior is whimsical and easy to change, if only the person were to wish it.
I was in no way trying to minimize your post. Actually, my attempt was to suggest the opposite; it is absolutely difficult to change behavior. Habit tied with emotionality is fantastically sturdy and able to withstand all manner of influence.
My beleaguered point was that I find neurosis interpreted as life stories buttressed by habits and emotionally charged mind thoughts more helpful and actionable than clawing through my childhood or viewing it through a malady / psychoanalysis matrix.
I can then work on actions and behaviors, and changing how I choose to react to a stimulus. I don’t necessarily have to spend so much time trying to understand how I got there. IOW, I am attracted to any model that emphasizes choice and inner control. It emphasizes my freedom, the space between stimulus and response where my choice can exist. I am enervated by concentrating on that space and enlarging it.
It is one of the reasons cognitive behavioral psychology has had such a significant effect on the discipline.
Ah, so let me apologize. I think there was some confusion. Also you hit a bit of a landmine for me. There’s been one person I’ve met who was so invalidating regarding mental illness. Sarah’s sister actually. She basically told us that unless Sarah had something written from a doctor, she didn’t have bpd (“I think you have anger problems”). She also discredited my depression (“Look, I’ve gotten really sad before too”). So whenever it sounds like someone is suggesting mental illness isn’t real I get quite defensive.
Secondly, I agree that sitting on a couch and talking about how daddy never hugged you is useless. On the other hand, it’s important to at least acknowledge that our childhoods shape a lot of our personality and action-emotion dynamic. I thought you were doing the opposite, trying to suggest the only major influence was personal choice.
You can quote someone by putting a ‘>’ at the start of the line. (LW uses markdown syntax for comments, not HTML; also, there is a little “help” link that expands a box with more details about the syntax at the bottom right of the comment box)