I also recently left a relationship with a girl with borderline personality disorder (my diagnosis, not professionally diagnosed). I love her. As scientism put it:
her emotional volatility was utterly mesmerising...it was impossible to keep up and it became exhilarating...It was bizarre and incredibly addictive.
I’m young and inexperienced in love. I’m worried that it was her BPD that made her so enchanting—she was so present, so spontaneous and radiant. I had the best times of my life with her.
Can others who have been with BPD types and then had relationships afterwards tell me: do you find love as intense as that again? Do you have the best times of your life with someone without also having the worst?
Edited in response to downvote to be less plaintive.
Edited in response to downvote to be less plaintive.
I didn’t see the original version but I’ll upvoted purely for this sentiment. I suppose for this same reason I would probably be more inclined to downvote future posts by an author ‘bpdrefugee’. I recommend a less plaintive username! :)
But it might require a change of attitude. While BPD traits are appealing and addictive, they conflict with other aspects of love. The most rewarding love involves intimacy, mutual nurturing, growth and trust. Those aren’t really possible with a BPD partner. On the other hand, the excitement BPD provides can still be generated with a non-BPD partner by sharing exciting and powerful experiences together (such as sex, travel, drugs, or anything else you’re both passionate about). This, however, takes more effort than simply being carried along on the emotional roller-coaster BPD provides.
I suspect that we turn to BPD types partly to cover our own deficiencies. At some point many years ago, I began to appreciate life and beauty much more, to be spontaneous, and to passionately enjoy the smallest and simplest things. I became more proactive about making my life exciting and fun. At this time I began to find BPD types more tiresome and frustrating than enthralling. Life became so interesting and enjoyable, it was not worth spending time with a partner who was self-obsessed and emotionally exhausting. And since then, I have found relationships indescribably more rewarding.
I also recently left a relationship with a girl with borderline personality disorder (my diagnosis, not professionally diagnosed). I love her. As scientism put it:
I’m young and inexperienced in love. I’m worried that it was her BPD that made her so enchanting—she was so present, so spontaneous and radiant. I had the best times of my life with her.
Can others who have been with BPD types and then had relationships afterwards tell me: do you find love as intense as that again? Do you have the best times of your life with someone without also having the worst?
Edited in response to downvote to be less plaintive.
I didn’t see the original version but I’ll upvoted purely for this sentiment. I suppose for this same reason I would probably be more inclined to downvote future posts by an author ‘bpdrefugee’. I recommend a less plaintive username! :)
Thanks wedrifid :)
I’m a throwaway account for a regular user. You’re unlikely to see me outside of this post.
Yes to both questions.
But it might require a change of attitude. While BPD traits are appealing and addictive, they conflict with other aspects of love. The most rewarding love involves intimacy, mutual nurturing, growth and trust. Those aren’t really possible with a BPD partner. On the other hand, the excitement BPD provides can still be generated with a non-BPD partner by sharing exciting and powerful experiences together (such as sex, travel, drugs, or anything else you’re both passionate about). This, however, takes more effort than simply being carried along on the emotional roller-coaster BPD provides.
I suspect that we turn to BPD types partly to cover our own deficiencies. At some point many years ago, I began to appreciate life and beauty much more, to be spontaneous, and to passionately enjoy the smallest and simplest things. I became more proactive about making my life exciting and fun. At this time I began to find BPD types more tiresome and frustrating than enthralling. Life became so interesting and enjoyable, it was not worth spending time with a partner who was self-obsessed and emotionally exhausting. And since then, I have found relationships indescribably more rewarding.
Thank you. This is encouraging.
This rings true.
I’d be careful with this.
Yeah, I mention it because my lack of expertise and probable bias make the evaluation suspect.