Many years ago I had an intense, year-long friendship with a girl with BPD. We didn’t date (although she did permanently break off our friendship as if we were dating, something I hadn’t known was a social possibility before then). I have to say, her emotional volatility was utterly mesmerising. During the time I knew her my thinking was utterly transformed. It wasn’t so much her vulnerability or my desire to help her, more that it was impossible to keep up and it became exhilarating. I didn’t know where I stood from one minute to the next. I could go from being her closest friend to her most hated enemy, and back again, in the space of one conversation. It was bizarre and incredibly addictive. During that time I convinced myself there was something wrong with me and with rationality in general. I got interested in continental philosophy, I toyed with spirituality. After she “broke up” with me, my old self returned. But it was an interesting experience. Almost like joining a cult.
I didn’t know where I stood from one minute to the next. I could go from being her closest friend to her most hated enemy, and back again, in the space of one conversation. It was bizarre and incredibly addictive.
Take this. Now make this person someone you love so deeply you’d die for them. Your most intimate relation that you trust with secrets you wouldn’t tell anyone else. There are not words in the English language to properly describe this sensation.
But it was an interesting experience. Almost like joining a cult.
I hate to exaggerate, but the similarities are disturbing. For example, see love bombing.
I hate to exaggerate, but the similarities are disturbing.
There are some differences, but there are many similarities. Once I knew a couple of a psychopath and his girlfriend, and in my mind I called them a cult of two: one leader and one devout follower.
The base difference is that one happens in an exclusive sexual pair setting, while the other happens in social group setting. From this, other differences logically follow, for example a group may be actively recruiting, the pair is not; in a group there is a competition between followers, in pair the follower is unique; etc.
Many years ago I had an intense, year-long friendship with a girl with BPD. We didn’t date (although she did permanently break off our friendship as if we were dating, something I hadn’t known was a social possibility before then). I have to say, her emotional volatility was utterly mesmerising. During the time I knew her my thinking was utterly transformed. It wasn’t so much her vulnerability or my desire to help her, more that it was impossible to keep up and it became exhilarating. I didn’t know where I stood from one minute to the next. I could go from being her closest friend to her most hated enemy, and back again, in the space of one conversation. It was bizarre and incredibly addictive. During that time I convinced myself there was something wrong with me and with rationality in general. I got interested in continental philosophy, I toyed with spirituality. After she “broke up” with me, my old self returned. But it was an interesting experience. Almost like joining a cult.
Take this. Now make this person someone you love so deeply you’d die for them. Your most intimate relation that you trust with secrets you wouldn’t tell anyone else. There are not words in the English language to properly describe this sensation.
I hate to exaggerate, but the similarities are disturbing. For example, see love bombing.
There are some differences, but there are many similarities. Once I knew a couple of a psychopath and his girlfriend, and in my mind I called them a cult of two: one leader and one devout follower.
The base difference is that one happens in an exclusive sexual pair setting, while the other happens in social group setting. From this, other differences logically follow, for example a group may be actively recruiting, the pair is not; in a group there is a competition between followers, in pair the follower is unique; etc.
Similarities:
leader chooses how you live, and who do you interact with—the choice usually depends on whether that person approves the leader;
you should do your best to be perfect—a perfect follower that is;
if you break a rule, even in your thoughts, you should admit it openly, so it can be prevented—and also you can be negatively conditioned;
you are discouraged to use an “outside view”, because your group/pair is special, so normal considerations do not apply;
neither is any other epistemology viable.
Do you think it left you with any immunity to such things in the future?
Yes, definitely. It left me with a keen sense of when I’m being emotionally manipulated.