I could tell you that your grandmother comes first so you shouldn’t overthink it: earn the money doing what you do best until you find a more ethical alternative. It’s okay to have strict ethics but it’s not helping you much right now.
I could tell you to write your ideas somewhere, to post them online (LessWrong is there for that, isn’it it?) so that they’re not lost even if you forget them, even if you don’t have the time to bring them to life. So that your knowledge and ideas live on.
I could go on, but I’m not one to tell how people should live their lives. Don’t hate yourself, because that’s not going to help either. The only remedy to inaction is action; you feel you are in a dire situation, then it’s all the more urgent to do something—anything—to solve your issues. Make a list of your problems, establish ways to deal with them and get going. Do something, anything.
I could tell you that your grandmother comes first so you shouldn’t overthink it: earn the money doing what you do best until you find a more ethical alternative. It’s okay to have strict ethics but it’s not helping you much right now.
I could tell you to write your ideas somewhere, to post them online (LessWrong is there for that, isn’it it?) so that they’re not lost even if you forget them, even if you don’t have the time to bring them to life. So that your knowledge and ideas live on.
I could go on, but I’m not one to tell how people should live their lives. Don’t hate yourself, because that’s not going to help either. The only remedy to inaction is action; you feel you are in a dire situation, then it’s all the more urgent to do something—anything—to solve your issues. Make a list of your problems, establish ways to deal with them and get going. Do something, anything.