(1) Learning via experience imposes costs (rejection, broken heart, etc.); so learning will be slow and tentative.
(2) People who get good enough (via talent or experience) generally exit the dating market (they find a partner). Whoever is left is either still learning (expensive) or a “player” who prefers serial dating / hooking up to a long-term relationship (LTR). There may be a few people gaming the system by having multiple partners (the stereotypical “alpha”), but I doubt this is a significant fraction.
Find someone you like (or who likes you) and start dating them!
Without dating apps:
Join a few social/intellectual/school clubs or co-ed sports (e.g. running). Be a generally cool person and you’ll find someone after a while. Or...
Go to lots of low-key house-parties thrown by friends, or throw them yourself. See if there is any chemistry with “friends-of-friends.” In these situations there is lower risk for each of you since you’ve been “vouched for” by mutual friends, and you’ve seen each other in a low-stakes setting. Bonus points if you are the one hosting/organizing the party.
With dating apps:
Think of fun things you’d like to do if you had someone along: e.g. hiking, comedy show, exploring downtown, bar-hopping, etc.
Use an app like “Coffee Meets Bagel” that limits how much time you spend on it each day.
For each person you “like”, mention one thing written in their profile and one thing from one of their more adventurous photos (generally one towards the back). Say something like “You look so excited in that photo with the ____, there must be a good story behind it!”
This naturally starts the conversation on something and shows that you admire them in a way that other people may not comment on.
Keep the back-and-forth relatively short (just within one day). Ask if they’d like to meet on “Thursday at 7 for drinks at ___. If it goes well we can take it from there.” Suggesting a hard time and place before asking their schedule is easier for them to say “yes” or “No, how about Friday at 6” instead of asking “when are you free.”
To prepare for your date look at the map and make a short list of things to do / places to go depending on the mood of how the date is going: Chill, High Energy, Make-out spot, etc. Don’t tell your date that you have additional options planned until you meet—just say “I have some ideas of additional places to go depending on how we feel later.” She will generally be impressed. This takes a bit of time, but pays off a lot. Also, if the date isn’t going well, you can end it as early as you want, without revealing you had more plans.
Don’t treat each date as a potential partner until you’ve seen them >3 times. Just treat it like a more intimate meetup.com or couch-surfing person. (unless there’s lots of chemistry, in which case you can turn it up). Have fun meeting lots of different people and doing lots of fun things. Some dates will be hot, some will be duds. Some will be really great chemistry but then break your heart after a month of dating once you start to fall for them. Some will be perfect timing.
I know this isn’t an “economisty” answer but it’s pretty solid wisdom as far as I’m concerned. Also note this advice is geared toward long term relationships, not hookups. If you want to date for hookups instead you can checkout the many pickup artist websites.
WRT “who is still left in the dating pool” there are always some fraction of people who just broke up, or moved, or are still looking for the right guy/gal. As you get older there are fewer good single people, but they are also less choosy, and thus easier to get. Remember, you also stand out from the competition more when there are fewer good people.
Easy answer:
(1) Learning via experience imposes costs (rejection, broken heart, etc.); so learning will be slow and tentative.
(2) People who get good enough (via talent or experience) generally exit the dating market (they find a partner). Whoever is left is either still learning (expensive) or a “player” who prefers serial dating / hooking up to a long-term relationship (LTR). There may be a few people gaming the system by having multiple partners (the stereotypical “alpha”), but I doubt this is a significant fraction.
So, in your opinion, what’s the best way of learning how to date?
You learn by doing it.
Find someone you like (or who likes you) and start dating them!
Without dating apps:
Join a few social/intellectual/school clubs or co-ed sports (e.g. running). Be a generally cool person and you’ll find someone after a while. Or...
Go to lots of low-key house-parties thrown by friends, or throw them yourself. See if there is any chemistry with “friends-of-friends.” In these situations there is lower risk for each of you since you’ve been “vouched for” by mutual friends, and you’ve seen each other in a low-stakes setting. Bonus points if you are the one hosting/organizing the party.
With dating apps:
Think of fun things you’d like to do if you had someone along: e.g. hiking, comedy show, exploring downtown, bar-hopping, etc.
Use an app like “Coffee Meets Bagel” that limits how much time you spend on it each day.
For each person you “like”, mention one thing written in their profile and one thing from one of their more adventurous photos (generally one towards the back). Say something like “You look so excited in that photo with the ____, there must be a good story behind it!”
This naturally starts the conversation on something and shows that you admire them in a way that other people may not comment on.
Keep the back-and-forth relatively short (just within one day). Ask if they’d like to meet on “Thursday at 7 for drinks at ___. If it goes well we can take it from there.” Suggesting a hard time and place before asking their schedule is easier for them to say “yes” or “No, how about Friday at 6” instead of asking “when are you free.”
To prepare for your date look at the map and make a short list of things to do / places to go depending on the mood of how the date is going: Chill, High Energy, Make-out spot, etc. Don’t tell your date that you have additional options planned until you meet—just say “I have some ideas of additional places to go depending on how we feel later.” She will generally be impressed. This takes a bit of time, but pays off a lot. Also, if the date isn’t going well, you can end it as early as you want, without revealing you had more plans.
Don’t treat each date as a potential partner until you’ve seen them >3 times. Just treat it like a more intimate meetup.com or couch-surfing person. (unless there’s lots of chemistry, in which case you can turn it up). Have fun meeting lots of different people and doing lots of fun things. Some dates will be hot, some will be duds. Some will be really great chemistry but then break your heart after a month of dating once you start to fall for them. Some will be perfect timing.
I know this isn’t an “economisty” answer but it’s pretty solid wisdom as far as I’m concerned. Also note this advice is geared toward long term relationships, not hookups. If you want to date for hookups instead you can checkout the many pickup artist websites.
WRT “who is still left in the dating pool” there are always some fraction of people who just broke up, or moved, or are still looking for the right guy/gal. As you get older there are fewer good single people, but they are also less choosy, and thus easier to get. Remember, you also stand out from the competition more when there are fewer good people.