Recently, I told a friend of mine that I’d been to a wedding. They asked how it was, and I said the couple clearly loved each other very much (as they made clear repeatedly in their speeches). My friend made a face like that I read as some kind of displeasure, a bit of a grimace. Since then, I’ve been wondering why that was.
I think it’s a common occurrence, that people feel negatively about others openly expressing their love for something (a person, a piece of art, a place, etc). I’m pretty sure I’ve had this feeling myself, but I don’t know why.
I can think of two hypotheses.
It’s ‘sappy’. It’s kind of too much for me to feel this in whatever social context I’m in right now (e.g. in my office at work, getting drinks with some people I don’t know that well, etc), such that I am resistant to starting to feel it, and resistant to others bringing me into feeling it in this environment. It is not a good time for me to be overcome with emotion for tens of minutes!
It’s ‘forced’. People believe that other people pretend their loving emotions more than is real, and the intensity of the truth combined with the forced feeling is unpleasant. I’m expected to believe them, and also reciprocate, and I don’t like doing that with something that is dear to me.
Anyone got any other hypotheses, or think that they know the answer?
Years ago, a coworker and I were on a project with a guy we both thought was a total dummy, and worse, a dummy who talked all the time in meetings. We rarely expressed our opinion on this guy openly to each other—me and the coworker didn’t know each other well enough to be comfortable talking a lot of trash—but once, when discussing him privately after yet another useless meeting, my coworker drew in breath, sighed, looked at me, and said: “I’m sure he’s a great father.” We both laughed, and I still remember this as one of the most cutting insults I’ve heard.
Could be also something random. Maybe the friend broke up with someone recently.
People believe that other people pretend their loving emotions more than is real
Well, it’s a difficult situation to figure out. Yes, people sometimes (often?) pretend. Does it mean that all emotions of some kind/intensity X are fake? Not necessarily. But it is difficult to figure out what is real and what is fake. So different people will believe different things, and there is no obvious way to figure out who is right, so… maybe it’s better to drop the topic?
Recently, I told a friend of mine that I’d been to a wedding. They asked how it was, and I said the couple clearly loved each other very much (as they made clear repeatedly in their speeches). My friend made a face like that I read as some kind of displeasure, a bit of a grimace. Since then, I’ve been wondering why that was.
I think it’s a common occurrence, that people feel negatively about others openly expressing their love for something (a person, a piece of art, a place, etc). I’m pretty sure I’ve had this feeling myself, but I don’t know why.
I can think of two hypotheses.
It’s ‘sappy’. It’s kind of too much for me to feel this in whatever social context I’m in right now (e.g. in my office at work, getting drinks with some people I don’t know that well, etc), such that I am resistant to starting to feel it, and resistant to others bringing me into feeling it in this environment. It is not a good time for me to be overcome with emotion for tens of minutes!
It’s ‘forced’. People believe that other people pretend their loving emotions more than is real, and the intensity of the truth combined with the forced feeling is unpleasant. I’m expected to believe them, and also reciprocate, and I don’t like doing that with something that is dear to me.
Anyone got any other hypotheses, or think that they know the answer?
If that was your first statement, then there is a whiff of ‘damning with faint praise’.
“So, how was the big wedding?” ”...well, the couple clearly loves each other very much.” ”...I see. That bad, huh.”
Years ago, a coworker and I were on a project with a guy we both thought was a total dummy, and worse, a dummy who talked all the time in meetings. We rarely expressed our opinion on this guy openly to each other—me and the coworker didn’t know each other well enough to be comfortable talking a lot of trash—but once, when discussing him privately after yet another useless meeting, my coworker drew in breath, sighed, looked at me, and said: “I’m sure he’s a great father.” We both laughed, and I still remember this as one of the most cutting insults I’ve heard.
Could be also something random. Maybe the friend broke up with someone recently.
Well, it’s a difficult situation to figure out. Yes, people sometimes (often?) pretend. Does it mean that all emotions of some kind/intensity X are fake? Not necessarily. But it is difficult to figure out what is real and what is fake. So different people will believe different things, and there is no obvious way to figure out who is right, so… maybe it’s better to drop the topic?