it (the negative experiences) - Are *they (the negative experiences) the result of (people with a “culture” who’s rules rules you don’t understand) expecting you to read *their mind, and go along with their “culture”, instead of asking you to go along with their culture?
Aha, no, the mind reading part is just one of several cultures I’m mentioning. (Guess Culture, to be exact.) If I default to being an Asker but somebody else is a Guesser, I might have the following interaction with them:
Me: [looking at some cookies they just made] These look delicious! Would it be all right if I ate one?
Them: [obviously uncomfortable] Uhm… uh… I mean, I guess so...
Here, it’s retroactively clear that, in their eyes, I’ve overstepped a boundary just by asking. But I usually can’t tell in advance what things I’m allowed to ask and what things I’m not allowed to ask. There could be some rule that I just haven’t discovered yet, but because I haven’t discovered it yet, it feels to me like each case is arbitrary, and thus it feels like I’m being required to read people’s minds each time. Hence why I’m tempted to call Guess Culture as “Read-my-mind Culture”.
(Contrast this to Ask Culture, where the rule is, to me, very simple and easy to discover: every request is acceptable to make, and if the other person doesn’t want you to do what you’re asking to do, they just say “no”.)
it (the negative experiences) - Are *they (the negative experiences) the result of (people with a “culture” who’s rules rules you don’t understand) expecting you to read *their mind, and go along with their “culture”, instead of asking you to go along with their culture?
Aha, no, the mind reading part is just one of several cultures I’m mentioning. (Guess Culture, to be exact.) If I default to being an Asker but somebody else is a Guesser, I might have the following interaction with them:
Me: [looking at some cookies they just made] These look delicious! Would it be all right if I ate one?
Them: [obviously uncomfortable] Uhm… uh… I mean, I guess so...
Here, it’s retroactively clear that, in their eyes, I’ve overstepped a boundary just by asking. But I usually can’t tell in advance what things I’m allowed to ask and what things I’m not allowed to ask. There could be some rule that I just haven’t discovered yet, but because I haven’t discovered it yet, it feels to me like each case is arbitrary, and thus it feels like I’m being required to read people’s minds each time. Hence why I’m tempted to call Guess Culture as “Read-my-mind Culture”.
(Contrast this to Ask Culture, where the rule is, to me, very simple and easy to discover: every request is acceptable to make, and if the other person doesn’t want you to do what you’re asking to do, they just say “no”.)