This seems to point to very different understand of what a tact filter is. I read your sentence as implying that it is an on/off thing.
If my girlfriend does something says something not nice, I can mentally say : “Hey, she’s emotional at the moment but that doesn’t mean that she means any harm to me. It’s hormones. Let’s sit through it.” I can do that from a place of compassion without feeling too bad about the interaction.
Alternatively I can connect with the feeling of irritation that arises and assert a boundary. If there a filter there no clear feeling of irritation from which to speak.
It’s basically what I meant above, but above I didn’t put in the details. As a nerd myself that’s a more instinctive response than actually speaking up and asserting boundaries. But I’m fairly certain that asserting boundaries is often the more effective action.
I also think that this lack of this assertion of boundaries is what makes Nice Guys™ unattractive. Woman like guys who are nice in the sense that they give others compliements and improve their surroundings but they find guys who don’t assert boundaries in situations that warrant setting boundaries less attractive.
If my girlfriend does something says something not nice, I can mentally say : “Hey, she’s emotional at the moment but that doesn’t mean that she means any harm to me. It’s hormones. Let’s sit through it.” I can do that from a place of compassion without feeling too bad about the interaction.
Alternatively I can connect with the feeling of irritation that arises and assert a boundary. If there a filter there no clear feeling of irritation from which to speak.
That is a filter as I understand it. A good one maybe, but a filter.
It’s basically what I meant above, but above I didn’t put in the details. As a nerd myself that’s a more instinctive response than actually speaking up and asserting boundaries. But I’m fairly certain that asserting boundaries is often the more effective action.
I also think that this lack of this assertion of boundaries is what makes Nice Guys™ unattractive. Woman like guys who are nice in the sense that they give others compliements and improve their surroundings but they find guys who don’t assert boundaries in situations that warrant setting boundaries less attractive.
OK. Tapping out.