I like that offers a clearer theory of what boundaries are than most things I’ve read on the subject. I often find the idea of boundaries weird not because I don’t understand that sometimes people need to put up social defenses of various kinds to feel safe but because I’ve not seen a very crisp definition of boundaries that didn’t produce a type error. Framing in terms of bids for greater connect hits at a lot of what I think folks care about when they talk about setting boundaries, so it makes a lot more sense to me now than my previous understanding, which was more like “I’m going to be emotionally closed here because I can’t handle being open” which is still kind of true but mixes in a lot of stuff and so is not a crisp notion.
I like that offers a clearer theory of what boundaries are than most things I’ve read on the subject. I often find the idea of boundaries weird not because I don’t understand that sometimes people need to put up social defenses of various kinds to feel safe but because I’ve not seen a very crisp definition of boundaries that didn’t produce a type error. Framing in terms of bids for greater connect hits at a lot of what I think folks care about when they talk about setting boundaries, so it makes a lot more sense to me now than my previous understanding, which was more like “I’m going to be emotionally closed here because I can’t handle being open” which is still kind of true but mixes in a lot of stuff and so is not a crisp notion.