I’m sure my allegiance to these United States was not created just by reciting the Pledge thousands of times. In fact, I resented the Pledge for a lot of my life, especially once I learned more about its history.
But if I’m honest with myself, I do feel something like strong support for the ideals of the United States, much stronger than would make sense if someone had convinced me as an adult that its founding principals were a good idea. The United States isn’t just my home. I yearn for it to be great, to embody its values, and to persist, even as I disagree with many of the details of how we’re implementing the dream of the founders today.
Why do I think the Pledge mattered? It helped me get the feeling right. Once I had positive feelings about the US, of course I wanted to actually like the US. I latched onto the part of it that resonates with me: the founding principals. Someone else might be attracted to something else, or maybe would even find they don’t like the United States, but stay loyal to it because they have to.
I’m also drawing on my experience with other fake-it-until-you-make-it rituals. For example, I and many people really have come to feel more grateful for the things we have in life by explicitly acknowledge that gratitude. At the start it’s fake: you’re just saying words. But eventually those words start to carry meaning, and before long it’s not fake. You find the gratitude that was already inside you and learn how to express it.
In the opening example, I bet something similar could work for getting kids to appologize. No need to check if they are really sorry, just make them say sorry. Eventually the sadness at having caused harm will become real and flow into the expression of it. It’s like a kind of reverse training, where you create handles for latent behaviors to crystalize around, and by creating the right conditions when the ritual is performed, you stand a better-than-chance possibility of getting the desired association.
I bet something similar could work for getting kids to appologize.
Also, for getting them to say thank you. When kids are at a certain age, adults frequently seem to be reminding them to say thank you for gifts and such; I have a vague memory of adults also reminding me of this, when I was at that age. But these days I automatically say thank you for various things, and mean it.
I’m sure my allegiance to these United States was not created just by reciting the Pledge thousands of times. In fact, I resented the Pledge for a lot of my life, especially once I learned more about its history.
But if I’m honest with myself, I do feel something like strong support for the ideals of the United States, much stronger than would make sense if someone had convinced me as an adult that its founding principals were a good idea. The United States isn’t just my home. I yearn for it to be great, to embody its values, and to persist, even as I disagree with many of the details of how we’re implementing the dream of the founders today.
Why do I think the Pledge mattered? It helped me get the feeling right. Once I had positive feelings about the US, of course I wanted to actually like the US. I latched onto the part of it that resonates with me: the founding principals. Someone else might be attracted to something else, or maybe would even find they don’t like the United States, but stay loyal to it because they have to.
I’m also drawing on my experience with other fake-it-until-you-make-it rituals. For example, I and many people really have come to feel more grateful for the things we have in life by explicitly acknowledge that gratitude. At the start it’s fake: you’re just saying words. But eventually those words start to carry meaning, and before long it’s not fake. You find the gratitude that was already inside you and learn how to express it.
In the opening example, I bet something similar could work for getting kids to appologize. No need to check if they are really sorry, just make them say sorry. Eventually the sadness at having caused harm will become real and flow into the expression of it. It’s like a kind of reverse training, where you create handles for latent behaviors to crystalize around, and by creating the right conditions when the ritual is performed, you stand a better-than-chance possibility of getting the desired association.
Also, for getting them to say thank you. When kids are at a certain age, adults frequently seem to be reminding them to say thank you for gifts and such; I have a vague memory of adults also reminding me of this, when I was at that age. But these days I automatically say thank you for various things, and mean it.