Big Yellow Tractor (Filk)

[Gordon Seidoh Worley]

To the tune of “Big Yellow Taxi”, with apologies to Joni Mitchell

we’ll pave paradise and put up a parking lot
if that’s what it takes to make all the wild suffering stop
the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we’ll pave paradise and put up a parking lot

we’ll take all the creatures and put ’em in a simulation
where there’s no pain or death or starvation
oh! the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we’ll pave paradise and put up a parking lot

hey all you people put away decision theory
i don’t care about max utils if we can’t end suffering, please!
the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we’ll pave paradise and put up a parking lot

late last night I heard ’bout a brand new plan
a big yellow tractor’s gonna clear away all the land
oh! the pain it only grows and grows
until we boil it up in our pot
we’ll pave paradise and put up a parking lot